By: Olusesan Ogunyooye (@sesansoulmate)
The fact that I renamed you guys
MALU doesn’t warrant you all act like animals. You are constituting nuisance
and rubbishing our image in the international circle. I paid heavily with the
tax payers’ money to appear on Vogue Magazine just last month.
With due respect sir, we are not
cows. Cows would have swallowed your bitter pill hook, line and sinker. OccupyUnilag!
Ha ha ha! The only place where human beings live is in this rock.
That is why we don’t die like cows when Boko Haram strikes. All of you outside
the rock act like cows and die like cows. That’s why I have to treat you like
cows. Did you forget how I sent your brothers in uniform after you in January
when you refuse to leave the streets? How I told you it is N97 or I’ll send
Boko Haram after you?
But in this case, we are
resolute. Return to status quo or we will keep occupying. You cannot force
illegality down our throats; and perhaps, this is the only way we have to prove
to you that we are not MALUs. We will
OccupyUnilag!
I pity you. One thing you all
forget is that I have a P.hd in Zoology. I know how to deal with animals. In
fact, I act and think like a cow to bully you all.
Perhaps you intend to make UNILAG
an extension of Ass Hole Rock where you rear MALUs like your wife, spokes man and ministers who ill-advise you.
If their regret is never attending the prestigious university, we may offer
them courses in good governance, especially Madam Patience; she could start
from UNILAG Staff School.
You should not insult the woman ooo! She could be forced to talk and I don’t
want to make Fuji House of Commotion from
this. It is a serious matter.
Whatever you think sir, we will
not leave the streets. We have a voice, and we will use it. We are the youths
of this nation – the leaders of tomorrow.
Ha ha ha ha ha ! Leaders of tomorrow? That sounds like a joke!
There is no tomorrow my dear. Are you blind? We have mortgaged your yesterdays,
your today has been auctioned, and your tomorrow is already on our stock
market. Can’t you see? I get N1 billion feeding allowance from your tomorrow
and some people sleep in ten star Hotels and eat gudi gudi with your tomorrow.
Well sir, in contrast, I see a
MALU in you. You don’t think before you act at all. If we are MALUs, then you
are the number one citizen of a nation of MALUs and you are being pushed about
by enemies of the state you call your advisers. They will only push you to the
precipice and prostitute for appointment from the next government.
Well, whatever. Your school is only
a pawn on the chess board – a causality of fate.
That is wicked, selfish, callous,
foolish, thoughtless ....
Hey! I thought they call you UNILAG OLODO. You sound brilliant!
That tells you sir that an OLODO
in UNILAG is a genius in Otuoke. It’s
just unfortunate: a son of a fisherman
who studied zoology; we should have known you think like a fish when the only
thing that mattered in your campaign is that you had no shoes. Is ‘I had no
shoes’ an agenda?
That is an insult on me. If I
arrest you now and send you to South Africa for trial; you will be swearing to
affidavit against me and your fellow MALUs will say they want to occupy ASO
Rock.
But you promised us ‘a breath of
fresh air’. What oozes out of your mouth is as nauseating as what oozes out of
your government – the appalling stench of a rotten fish!
Well Olodo, Baba Iyabo told me to develop an elephant skin when I was coming to
power, so your insult makes me fine *tongue out*. For your information, nothing is fair. We have
to come back in 2015, that’s the only fair deal. We know South West people are
noise-makers, especially your Asiwaju
and his Spokes man with razor blade mouth; so we have to silence you with MALU...
or what is the name of your university now?
The north is less troublesome, 20 more Alimajiri schools and they will keep quite. I think they are the
real MALUs. I only intend to unite Nigeria by bringing the MALUs to Lagos.
But all these sounds like a
distraction strategy.
Genius! Your head is correct! What
I am I doing with all these advisers who have advisers and waste government
money? You are a guru! Yeah, it is a distraction strategy. Season one in the
series!
Well, let’s say this sets the
stage for who the MALU really is; because we can assure you we will vote you
out in 2015 if you don’t perform. If we vote you again with this your resume of
classic failure; then we are the real MALUs.
2015 is far my dear. Let’s bet
with this: Your MALU University has be closed down for two weeks; if you don’t
take your MALU behaviour off the street, I will order that all of you be sacked
and we will start the process of admitting news students immediately. I bet
you; you will all beg to be MALU!
Kindly follow @sesansoulmate.
Kindly follow @sesansoulmate.
2 comments:
It shud be known to him that anybody that does what is unreasonable is an animal.
The 'fish' is nt acting like a democrat. Somebody should remind him that we are practicing a presidential system of government in Nigeria. He should not turn us to animals!
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