Patience: These Boko Harams; who born them? Is it not a women? Look at how they have turned innocent children to widows?
Reuben: Your Excellency, I have warned that it is better you leave me to do all the talking instead of creating this national embarrassment. The world is laughing at us!
Patience: I warned Joe boy before he brought you into this government. I told him that your mouth is full of words and you have insulted me too much when you were a Editor-in-chief in your newspapers. But he won’t listen to me. Look, let me tell you, me is the first lady of the Federal Republic of Nigeria; and your wife with all are certificates is not better than the grass in my compound.
Reuben: I object to that insult ma’am. With due respect, I think it’s uncivil to say that.
Patience: Uncivil? Didn’t Joe tell you he met me in my village in Okrika? I’m from Okrika and we don’t hide our logo. It’s not insult, it’s true. The grass in my compound is tended with N200m annually. That is far above what your wife gets as take home pay.
Reuben: I refuse to comment on that, but as the presidential spokesman, I need you to always check with me before you say anything in public.
Patience: Ha ha ha ha... even Joe boy can’t stop me from talking to my fellow widows. They are the peoples who voted for us when I told them that my husband and Sambo is good people.
Reuben: There you go again. You have spoken it again... arrrghh!
Patience: But Reuben, what is Joe boy doing about the Boko Haram?
Reuben: We are managing the situation well ma’am.
Patience: When is he going to address the nation? He should tell them how he intends to tackle this menace.
Reuben: That won’t be necessary. He has nothing to say. He is short of words; I am short of ideas. What will he say again? Nigerians are tired of “we are on top of the situation”. “We will ensure that we flush the out”. “Enough is Enough”. And if he talks, the boys might be provoked. They might demand that daily meal before they cease fire. Nigerians are just tired. They want action, but the truth remains Mr. President is not on top of the situation, the situation is on top of him.
Patience: But he addressed the nation two times during the Fuel Substitute Removal? Where is all the bravado?
Reuben: Ma’am, Fuel Subsidy Removal not fuel substitute...
Patience: That’s your problem; we pay you millions to speak good English. Do I know anything about Fuel Subsi... what did you just call it? Isn’t it all Ngozi’s idea? Even Joe boy comes home every night trying to understand the thing. He thinks too much that is daily meal of N3m is not doing him any good.
Reuben: It is a nice plan. The people will eventually benefit and praise the president for his courage.
Patience: So if he can command the people with soldiers, why is he not command Boko Haram? I think he is Commander-in-thief ...sorry, Commander-in-chief.
Reuben: Ma’am, Nigerians are elephant-skinned. They can put up with any situation. But these boys are not Nigerians, they are Boko Haram, I mean Boko Haram; when they sneeze, the Mr. President catches cold.
Patience:So who is in-charge of Nigeria? My husband or Boko Haram?
Reuben: Without being disrespectful ma, if your husband asks you to join him at the airport and Boko Haram orders you to stay at home. Whom will you obey?
Patience: Reuben! Don’t put me in a tight corner. Well, I will just stay at home. Those guys don’t respect manhood ooo! The last time they struck Kano, Joe boy was under my wrapper for days.
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